The very secret diary of the Merovingian
by Kyrillia
Summary: The title sums it up nicely...please R&R!!
1. Monday

Disclaimer: I don´t own neither the Matrix, nor the Merovingian.

I thought the Meronvingian is a bit neglected here on ff.net, so I decided to make a little fun of him ;-)

I don´t know yet if I should continue it, so please review!!

**The very secret diary of Merovingian**

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**Monday**

Mon dieu, what a day!

Got up at 6.30 just to discover that Persephone had occupied the bathroom already.

Just like every day…

Had to wait two full hours till she left and I could take my shower.

I'm seriously pondering the idea of having my own bathroom because she used all of my cosmetics, again!

My precious H.Rubenstein mascara and my favourite hair gel!

Decided to have breakfast in restaurant.

Read through today's assignments.

Ordered Twin One (or is it Twin Two?) to fetch my suit from the dry-cleaners.

Ordered Twin Two (or is it Twin One?) to accompany Persephone on her shopping trip.

Am proud of myself to have them occupied, Twins always give me headache with that ´we are getting aggravated´ line.

Discovered  funny looking Asian guy whose name I can't remember snickering at me.

Turned out I forgot to change my fluffy bunny slippers for real shoes.

Went down to the dungeons to tease stupid key maker.

Had to send Twin One (or is it Twin Two?) back to dry-cleaners. Didn't succeed in cleaning trousers properly.

Still lipstick on it!

Persephone returned from shopping trip with Twin Two (or is it Twin One?).

Almost felt hair turn grey as she handed me the bills.

If I would spend the same amount on wine my wife spends on clothes…

Alors, we could bathe in it, I suspect!

Dinner very boring today.

Therefore decided to send petite brunette at table No 17 a piece of chocolate cake.

Discovered funny looking Asian guy whose name I can't remember leering at Persephone's décolleté.

Watched out impatiently for results of famous chocolate cake.

What happened?

Stupid waiter mistook table numbers and delivered cake to table No 71.

To a woman with the looks and the age of the Oracle…

Was being chased through whole restaurant till Twin One (or is it Twin Two?) managed to knock her out.

Found Persephone nearly collapsing with laughter.

Suspect that _she_ changed table numbers behind my back…

Returned to my private rooms to finish horrible evening with a glass of French wine and a nice porn magazine.

Found the secret box with selection of hustler and playboy empty.

Discovered instead a strand of white hair in it!

That is the third time Twin Two (or is it Twin One?) plundered my secret hideout!

Settled for a nice glass wine instead.

My precious Chateau Haut-Brion 1959! All gone!!

Funny looking Asian guy whose name I can't remember must have been at it again!!

Nom de Dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperies de connards d´enculés de ta mère!

Went to bed and wept silently in my pillows…

Mon dieu, what a day!


	2. Tuesday

Disclaimer: I do not own the Matrix.

You wanted more…

Here it is!

And please review!!

**Tuesday**

Mon Dieu!

What a horrible, horrible day!

Was having really nice dinner at restaurant when got visitors.

Immediately recognized them as Neo, the One, that fat bald Morpheus guy and patent leather lady Trinity.

Neo really hot guy silently wished that I had decided to wear something more revealing than boring black suit in the morning!

Discovered Persephone ogling him too.

Started sweating, therefore drank some more Chateau Haut-Brion 1959. Fantastic wine!

Offered them some wine and food.

He refused.

Seems to be shy, but hey!

I like shy men!

Tried to show off with incredible knowledge of the French speech.

Discovered Twin One (or is it Twin Two?) and Twin Two (or is it Twin One?) smirking at me.

Seriously pondered to offer him some chocolate cake…

Finally decided to first show effects off it on boring little woman in restaurant.

The One didn't seem to get the hint.

Merde!

Instead he began to pester me about key maker.

Ha!

Best opportunity to show off with little speech about causality.

Didn't seem to work.

Was getting really frustrated.

Discovered other henchmen grinning at me.

Decided to reprogram them with pink tutus for the next 24 hours as punishment!

Drank that much wine that I was in great need of taking a piss.

Twinkled at Neo and said that I was off to men's room.

Stupid didn't get the hint.

Again.

Discovered patent leather lady Trinity staring at my croch as I got up.

Left dining hall and waited in men's room whole 20 minutes for the One to join me at last.

Was instead molested from boring little woman on cake trip who wanted to ******* me.

Was rescued from henchman who told me of Persephone's betrayal.

Met them in the entrance hall.

Merde!

Persephone got him first!

Again!

Send Twin One (or is it Twin Two?) and Twin Two (or is it Twin One?) to get key maker back.

Ordered employees to knock Neo out, so I could drag him upstairs in bedroom.

All of them got killed.

Decided to add fluffy bunny ears to their punishment once I got them reprogrammed!

Made strategically retreat to over think strategy.

And not to be killed from object of desire!

Locked myself in bedroom and drank more wine.

Shall have a second chance!


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